Today I was talking through inbox to my best friend. We we're talking about
if we were going to this birthday tomorrow and she said she didn't want to go.
So I said I will 'cause I need people to see me, like as a social person. She totally misled
everything I said and in the end we started discussing about it; she called me a douche
I didn't care but I kept talking about how I don't have friends outside of school
and that's why I need to meet new people so that's what I wanted to go to that
birthday and that when I grow up I wanna have memories that I actually enjoyed
my adolescence. I don't wanna have memories of watching movies eating ince-cream
on a couch. She took it personally. I'm sick of fighting. And she also said I've been acting strange
lately, I think it's because I don't like anyone anymore or the fact that I make them uncomformtable when I talk about my feelings, the ones related to boys and stuff. I really wanna leave this country and be able to be myself. I was told by my best friend that the girl I finished my best friend relationship with misses me, I do too but not as much as she does and I don't wana be her friend anymore she's a liar, she said 'she had got over me' like 3 months ago. Also the guy I was ridiculously in love with has been staring at me a lot lately. I do not like that, is annoying.

So yeah, I kind of can't stand him. So yesterday I got really pissed off at my best friend. I didn't showed her my true feelings though. She called me disgusting I wonder if that has to do with the way she thinks of me, being gay. I dont think I can keep selling brownies, is tiring and I hate the idea of getting caught at school. My computer doesn't work still.

So my computer is damaged and I'm now on my dad's laptop.
So yeterday I was at my friend's house with the three girls that know
my secret. One of them, the one that thinks that being gay and gay
acts are disgusting doesn't know the whole thing. So she asked if
I've ever kissed a boy, everything went quiet. The twins know I have.
She doesn't. So she started harrasing me. Who is it? Do I know him?
I didn't wanted to tell her 'cause I'm afraid she will judge me or be more
disgused and reject me. So I just didn't say a thing. She moved on but I know
she still wants to know. And know it's been revolving in my head of wether to
tell her or not, and I decided not to. I trust her, but I feel it won't be the same
if I tell her.

On the other side I'm going to Disneyland on this Holy Week so I was planning
on inviting them. Don't know if it'll work, so I d.on't wanna jinx it. In school, I'm tring to make
an effort to get really good grades 'cause I want a scholarship so I can study
abroad (USA). I'm also trying to lose weight so I look hotter, but it's really hard. I'm not that fat but I hate my thighs.

I moved on on the guy I used to really really like, it wasn't easy. I liked him for over 2 and a half years, finally I succeded :)

There's this other gay guy at my class. I know he's gay by the way he acts. It's almost obvious. He's so annoying...

Intro to my life

I won't say my name, at least not the real one.
I will say other people's names. Not full names of course. The first thing you need to know is: I'm gay, so if you are not interested in reading this, then I'll suggest you to leave. I'm currently 15 years old, and created this blog to capture all of my deepest feelings that, somehow, I feel my best friends wouldn't like to hear (even though they know I'm gay)

I feel akward to start off a conversation like this:

"Hey, I think he's really hot"

An even when I don't start the conversation like that I get a "sht p" response, not in an oral mean, but with expressions, gestures, etc.

I don't even find that kind of support on threads of gay forums. By support I mean comfort of saying/ expressing what I feel. Sometimes I think like there's no solution to what I'm going through and finished a friendship that was the only person that liked to hear what I said, or at least that's what I thought.

I have no intentions to show this blog, to any type of friends, since they're the reason why I have this blog.

I feel the need to get in shape so I can get I boyfriend, not now but in college, you see I'm colombian but I live in the Caribbean. I asssist to a CHRISTIAN school and being gay is, well, 'wrong' I believe in God, strongly, but I don't go to church. There are 4 people in this world that I've come out to, all of them girls, I don't talk to one of them anymore since we stopped being friends, and other three are my current best friends. I love them. For now there's nothing more to say, except that I think Shane Dawson is gay and that I love Pineapple Express :)